Rule #1: Never date a writer.
Okay, I’m… sort of… kidding. Writers are great people; however, we tend to write about emotions and situations that we experience (especially when we’re of the inspirational blogger variety). That means that it’s time to get a little personal… Good thing he doesn’t read this blog anyways, eh?
My boyfriend and I have some very life changing decisions coming up in the next few months and I’d be blatantly lying to you if I said it isn’t on my mind every single day. I’m an analyzer and when you’ve got dates and timelines looming, it’s hard to relax and just go with the flow of life. At least, I can’t do it. For me, this is how it goes -
1.) Something pops up to remind me of these decisions
2.) I begin thinking about all of the possibilities
3.) I determine all possible outcomes
4.) I think which outcome would be best for all involved
5.) I think about which outcome I’d like
6.) I think about how we could get there, if we should get there, what if we don’t get there, etc.
Overwhelming, isn’t it? Think about how I feel
Anyways, I do this for about 20 minutes until it stresses me out so much that I have to watch some mindless television until he gets home and I can lay all of this stress and worry on him.
Needless to say, this isn’t healthy for either of us and we finally got to the point the other night that we have to STOP living like this. It’s not fair to US. We’re ruining the days we have together and ultimately hurting our relationship by worrying and stressing out about something that’s months away.
Have you ever felt this way? That you MUST prepare yourself mentally for things that may OR may not happen? It’s not fun and it’s damaging to yourself and the people around you.
When you let worry consume you, you’re: stressing yourself out, snapping/getting mad at others for things that aren’t their fault, wasting precious time, and XYZ.
When you don’t let worry consume you, you’re: happier, you have time to spread love instead of hurt/stress, you can contrate on things that really matter in your relationship, learn to appreciate more.
We’ve taken some time this past week to really get back to US and why we’re in this relationship. We’ve actually said, “Let’s not think about _______ and let’s not bring it up, just for this one week,” and we decided that if we do, we’re going to use a secret code word which means stop, breathe, and let it go for now.
Fact: We haven’t had to use the code word AT ALL! Just making this decision has helped us to put it behind us for now and to concentrate on what matters in the moment.
Sure, this isn’t a long-term solution and we’ll have to face the facts when the time is right but for now, it’s a nice reminder that we have NOW.
Somewhere along the line, I put our relationship and what makes us US on the back burner and I let thoughts and uncertainty consume me and my thoughts. I felt as though stressing about the future was more important than being in the present and feeling positive emotions.
((Ps. That was really hard to write out and confess to all of you))
Making this small shift in mentality has honestly made all the difference. My relationship is better, I’m happier, and I’ve been more focused on my work and writing. It’s amazing how much more time I have now that I’m not moping around and being a negative ninny muggins (hah… Elf anyone?)
By letting you into a bit of my personal life, I want to leave you with this – If we spend all of our time thinking ahead of us, we forget to enjoy the people and the moments of today. You’re going through the motions and not appreciating, loving, or focusing on the things and the people who love you most. Focus on being in the present.
Stop, breathe, let the stress of tomorrow go. Enjoy today… Truly and whole-heartedly enjoy today.